pack of lies

Lies, lies and more lies.  Pretty soon a person can get sick of lies no matter what the form.  I quit smoking.  This will be my third time in the last 7 years. Third time is a charm they say.  First time was for my health. Ha!  Second time was vanity.  Third time is, well simply put, I am sick of the lies. The lies that come with each fresh pack.  The way I hold it , the sexual manner and personal relationship I have with it.  From the tapping to the lighting of it to the first puff. I cannot wait in between purchases.  The sharing of it with an exclusive club of others huddled around outside the door of a non-smoking joint. Smoking is no joke except on ourselves. Yes, the joke is on us. There is absolutely nothing worthwhile derived from any time spent with cigarettes.  I was a fool to cling to it as long as I have.  The money I have spent, I could have done so many beautiful things with it. That represents 25,000 US dollars.  What could you do with that amount.  That is 12 years of smokings net worth.  Thats not even counting the cigars,  hookah smoke and all the other paraphernalia I purchased for the purpose of smoking; Lighters, cutters, etc. It takes a lot of courage to stand up to your spoiled damaged receptors in your body that cry constantly for their momentary fix.  The lies I tell myself that I am glamorous , attractive, sexy.  Yes I am all of those things but without the  smoke and mirrors.  Addiction experts say the third day is the hardest due to the toxins being released from our body. It can take up to 21 days to just break the actual habit of holding the cigarette. For all practical purposes the nicotine leaves your system by seven days. Today I die.  Not really die but it feels like I will without my cigs.  My constant companion of the last twelve years.  What did I do before then?  I somehow managed to get by.  I had other addictions I am certain.  Each more deadly than the other.  Sooner or later we must face the pain that keeps us chasing after some relief.  Is it really all that bad facing your pain?  Is it really all that bad to eat healthy, exercise and take better care of yourself?  Is this the way we show ourselves love?  Is this loving ourselves?  Or is it simply being responsible.  The responsible, sensible, and frugal alternative.  I don’t know , right now I don’t care. I will have to get back with you on that one.

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