secrets

The Breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you. Don’t go back to sleep. – Rumi

I recently quit smoking and am proud for doing so. However pride will not help an addict in recovery.  This will mark my third attempt at quitting.  It was constantly on my mind the idea of quitting, but I would procrastinate and take another puff. Its that first puff you know. The one in the morning that you know you are addicted.  Sitting with a group of friends and they are all smoking, I am okay and not necessarily needing a cigarette.  Its when I am alone and I have to act independently that I know I am hooked. The same with drinking. The same with any other substance.  I got started socially, smoking and drinking. I could have done with out it because it wasn’t the substance I craved but the companionship. The absolute sense of  feeling all alone with my pain. To share with others the burden of shame, trauma, torment whatever it is that you hide away inside is what I sought.

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