Archive for September, 2013

dream of losing self

Posted in Uncategorized on September 6, 2013 by jengrabesculpture

dream awakens me at 1:30 am  and I am terrorized. A man I know comes into my home unannounced he overtakes me and has me cornered in a lock and defeat is pressing on top of me. Fighting for my life , I  break free  from him and as I come to my feet beside him in a split second I grab a heavy metal object and bludgeon him to death; leaving nothing but a mashed pulp of a head for his shoulders.

As I lie in a pool of sweat , breathing heavy, heart racing, I have no idea what that dream is about.  I pray for God’s sweet peace and I fall asleep again.

5:30 am, I am awakened and God’s answer to the dream is  in my thoughts.  Self has been vanquished.  For the first time that dream ends in victory not with defeat. I am at peace within.


3:03 AM

Posted in Uncategorized on September 3, 2013 by jengrabesculpture

I awaken. The fan overhead sweeps air across my sore body from the work out I put it through.  I light two candles and run the water as hot as I can stand it into the bath.  I ease into the tub and let the hot water soak out the soreness as I lay back. Sleep won’t come without it.  I let out some of the water and sit in the tub as the air cools the top half of my body . I get out and pat myself dry and back to my studio.  Paint smells.  I turn on the light, ” I ‘ve got to finish that painting,” I say to myself.  The emotion is neatly packed away in a hermetically sealed jar. As I open it and smell it, everything comes back, sights, sounds, smells, tastes,  and feeling.  How is it that I can still stay so tied to my core?  All that emotion flows into the stream of paint. I don’t have to feel it anymore, it’s all transferred into the alloys and minerals, light and shadow.  Transferred but not forgotten.  The sound of the 5:00 am train is roaring past.  Rinse out brushes in the paint thinner.  Eyes getting sleepy now.  Would be nice to save the money and take a train ride. I haven’t been on  a train in years. I remember I was in my twenties and it was New Years Eve in South Holyoke Mass…drifting at 3:00 AM