Archive for the addiction, recovery, health Category

escape is overrated

Posted in addiction, recovery, health on December 11, 2012 by jengrabesculpture

“He that respects himself is safe from others; he wears a coat of mail that none can pierce.” -Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

A friend of mines little ‘isms’ she taught me is that , “No” is a complete sentence.  One of the things I can do for myself everyday by saying ‘No’ can help me choose a different path.  A different answer than I would normally give to people I interact with.  Choosing differently can bring about desired results. Saying no today where I normally might say yes is a step towards knowing what I want for my life.  On the other hand saying yes to the positive people and spiritual support in my life brings about a different set of results.  Choosing to accept the help my higher power gives is a step in that direction. It has always been difficult for me to ask for help with things in my life.  As a result of not asking for help the consequences were disastrous and drama-filled. I enjoy working independently.  Its a matter of personal pride for me to be able to accomplish something on my own.  There is much in life that we need help to accomplish.

That’s why I would isolate myself.  I would be content to drink alone.  I wasn’t much of a social drinker because I knew I needed to drive home or be responsible for a group of girls. Now it’s important to me staying sober just one day at a time.  I am what they like to call a ‘high-functioning alcoholic’ .  It is only through him that I have sobriety and only through him that I have achieved the peace I sought.  It could have been a whole lot worse for me.  All those times I was mixing medications and booze. Somehow my higher power got me through all of it and I would still wake up to a new day with the same old problems, only now there were a whole lot worse ones.

Insanity has been described as trying to do the same thing over and over again while expecting different results.  That insane way of living just wasn’t working for me anymore.

Today I will seek to be sane through a connection with my higher power.  Amazing how life flows when connected with that same higher power.  No longer do I have to seek thrills and escape.

Just for today I don’t have to seek an escape. I am living my life, problems are there, just a different set of problems.  Not the kind of problems that come from consequences of poor choices and poor associations.  These are the problems I thought were so bad I had to escape from them.  As it turns out, its the same problems everyone has to deal with only now I deal with them sober.

It’s good to feel a sense of peace.  Way more fulfilling than escape. I underestimated the power of peace of mind.

First things first…

Posted in addiction, recovery, health, mind & spirit on November 13, 2012 by jengrabesculpture

 

11/13/2012, 18:58

“Let us spend one day as deliberately as nature, and not be thrown off the track by every nutshell and mosquito’s wing that falls on the rails.”- Henry David Thoreau

Just for today I will be guided , I will reach for the light instead of stumbling in the darkness. I will offer my hand to my most personal higher power to guide me in His  steps.  I will listen instead of talk, for the tender ever-present voice of my guide saying here is the way, walk ye in it.

risk blooming

Posted in addiction, recovery, health on September 30, 2012 by jengrabesculpture

“And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom.” Anais Nin

In searching for an affirmation this morning I came across this one.  With power it speaks to me.  I am truly sorry for the people I have wronged in my life when I was addicted and in pain. To finally be set free from all of that is a lifelong process that begins with a choice.  For this moment, this hour, this day I will choose. The only really meaningful apologies are the ones we make with the intention of not repeating the same harm. I wanted to get myself together and grow spiritually first before I apologize to the people I have wronged. I have the power to forgive myself.

I am 14 days without cigarettes, I saved 86.00, and one more day of my life.

It makes me wonder what I did before I smoked. Certainly I must have had something I did that was satisfying to me.  It was suggested to me by former smokers who have quit to focus on what I want from life.  Also to dedicate that time to something worthwhile. I am going to ponder those two things. I just know that quitting has opened a whole new world to me.  A world of knowledge , discovering things, and a devotion to learning.  Perhaps it was always there, but the addiction kept me preoccupied.

I want to focus more on learning.