Archive for growth

healthy dependency or unhealthy addiction?

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , on January 20, 2015 by jengrabesculpture

Taking some huge baby steps in the path of recovery. I had a huge awakening this morning as a I read in the very popular book by Melody Beattie “The New Codependency”.  It turns out that most recovering alcoholics and addicts (of which I am one) have codependency  underneath.  It caused me to question if I am addicted or pseudo addicted. I don’t need to drink and I have flattered myself for thinking that I didn’t have a drinking problem. When I attended AA meetings , I did not feel as if I belonged there, and felt more at home at the al Anon meetings.Eventually it led to me realizing there was a spiritual problem that I was grappling with. I realized I was drinking and taking drugs to deal with emotional pain caused by codependent behaviors that hurt. It looks like I am drinking alcoholically , and drug seeking, but I am drinking or using drugs to medicate pain that really hurts. When the pain is adequately medicated or stops , my drug seeking and alcoholic drinking stops too. The easiest way to decide is if we can stop with no problem. If we can, we are not addicted. This is how to tell if we have a healthy dependency or an unhealthy addiction, according to Dr. Forest Tennant an addiction and pain management specialist who understands codependency and chronic illnesses: a) healthy dependency on anything improves while addiction destroys our quality of life and ability to function. b) loss of control accompanies addiction.

…you always hurt the ones you love…

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , on January 3, 2013 by jengrabesculpture

The dating scene.  I am a regular member and have been for over 16 years.  Oh yeah, except for that brief time I was married so long ago I barely remember what’s his name.  It’s a pity that once people who were lovers don’t speak to each other anymore.  Why is that ? We exchanged the most intimate parts of our body with another human being but we cannot talk with that person? I suppose it’s true that you always hurt those closest to you.  Perhaps the shame that you both share or the disappointment makes it too difficult to see them in any other light than an outsider.  Where is the love to change all that and make things different?  How are some folks able to do that and not others?  What makes us so different from each other and yet the same?  Just some thoughts on the subject.  I don’t have any answers in time it will all make sense. How are some couples able to bounce back from those differences and others are driven apart?  Life as a single girl has its ups and downs.  Here’s me, not at my finest hour, but hey heartbreak hotel ain’t a nice place to hang out!Image